Uptown top banking

I do most of my banking online these days, and cheques go in the post. First Direct pioneered remote banking way before the internet was invented, and they have always been pretty good at it. But I had to pay in some cash today, so I was obliged to visit a branch of their sister company Hong Kong and Shanghai Banking Corporation Limited – more commonly known as HSBC.

What a dreadful experience! It felt like I was in Stockport Local Bus Station rather than “The World’s Local Bank”. Shabby decor, untidy counters and annoying ‘HSBC Radio’ (I kid you not!) in the background.

“Try not to fold the notes” the teller complained. I apologised. “Sometimes if the crease is too sharp it makes it difficult to flatten them” she further explained. I could see what was coming next. “And don’t mix 10’s with the 20’s.” I apologised again. “Because I have to separate them.”

It was all getting a bit too much for her, and I expect she will be straight on to HR for some counselling after this experience with me. “And remember, try to avoid visiting the branch at lunchtimes …” the disc jockey cheerfully advised.

Not all banks treat their customers as nuisances. I have an account in Spain with Banco Santander. It’s a bustling branch in a large tourist town. When I go in (once or twice a year maybe) one of the Gestores de Clientes greets me by name. We exchange pleasantries, he asks after my mother’s health and generally goes the extra mile. I feel respected and looked after. I imagine he feels appreciated. And the bank? Well they retain a loyal customer and occasionally get to sell me insurance or some other product. Simple really.