musings

I just heated up a mug of coffee in the microwave oven, and did what I always do. I set the timer, pressed the button, waited, watched – then cancelled five seconds before the end.

Whatever length of cook time was initially chosen, I invariably run out of patience and grab my coffee before the beep.

We have been taken over by a Coronation Street film crew! In the road next to ours, they have been shooting a scene with Tyrone Dobbs (Alan Halsall), Mollie Compton (Vicky Binns) and Jackie Dobbs (Margi Clarke). There is also a sinister looking character watching from his car.

The road has been renamed Royce Street and, although it isn’t closed to the public, there are men in reflective vests discouraging motorists from slowing down to see what is going on. A coach full of extras is parked nearby, together with catering vans, and a dozen other vehicles. There is an awful lot of standing around!

Somebody walked chewing gum in on the sole of their shoe yesterday. Now in most households, a quick scrape of the laminate flooring would deal with the offensive blob. However, we have an old-fashioned floor covering called carpet which is ideal for creating a challenging mess in the middle of your living room. The gum clings tenaciously to every fibre and seems impossible to remove. However, I found that a combination of technology, chemistry, physics and perseverance will triumph over Wrigley’s most obnoxious waste product.

Here’s what I did.

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The price of rice is rocketing worldwide. This is a very worrying trend, particularly for those countries where rice is a staple.

Here in the UK, there isn’t (yet) a shortage. But rice could completely disappear from supermarket shelves. Don’t believe me? It’s already happened with macaroni.

I live in England, but I buy my electricity and gas from a French company. (I have just about got my head around this bizarre reality of modern times.) Yesterday I received a reply to a complaint I sent them two months ago. I had asked why we get visits by separate gas and electricity meter readers, with annoying frequency, when they give me (a) a ‘dual fuel’ discount and (b) Nectar points for reading my own meters. They said they didn’t read my meters, that was done by another company.

Before privatisation, the meters were read separately. After privatisation, the meters are read separately (by another company!). Nothing physically changed. All the cables and pipes are the same. Having different companies selling us energy is just an accounting construct to introduce competition. I understand that.

But what good has this change really done?

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Garden centres stock them in a range of sizes and colours. You can even get water butts like giant water bottles these days. A big plastic joke for the back garden. Or why not go the other way, and get one disguised as a section of stone wall?

You will need the accessories too, of course. A stand, and the adaptor bit that goes in the downpipe to collect all that precious water for your plants. So you can end up spending a bit of money and consuming a few kilos of plastic – but for what?

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I have an embarassing confession to make. I think it must be a world record. The penny has just dropped. Today I realised for the first time that the names of the glove puppets Sooty and Sweep are references to chimney sweeping!

How could I not make the connection? Well, I hope it’s because I first watched the Sooty Show when I was too young to realise their names were themed, as it were. They got categorised in my brain that way. Either that, or I have special needs.

I know people called April, May and June. I’m a Mark! In context, these names’ dual meanings aren’t intrusive – at least not to me. I don’t go ‘June – that’s the name of a month.’

I once knew someone called Mercedes. That was a bit strange.

I went for a walk last week. Just to stretch my legs really, but also to nip into B&Q. I went along the back roads and noticed things I never would have discovered if I had simply jumped in the car. There’s a quaint crescent row of alms houses built at the turn of the last century. A pub with a bowling green down a cobbled street. And playing fields on a raised area of land from which you can see the whole of the town, the majestic railway viaduct which cuts right through it, and the rolling moors beyond.

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It seems an enormous award to most of us, but our greatest living musical genius got off lightly thanks to the nasty behaviour of his ex-wife. In the words of The Honourable Mr Justice Bennett ’she has only herself to blame.’